Goals...

So I have been on a bit of a crash course lately with my personal goals.  As I am sure many of us do, I often question my worth, my commitment, my ability.  I look back on all of the things I thought I would be, on all of the things I thought I would do.  It is a very strange sensation to look in the mirror and see who I am while looking through the eyes of who I want to be.  So what to do with that feeling?  I am proud of who I am... or am I proud of the product of who I am.  I find great pride in my husband, that he chose me to spend eternity with.  I find even greater pride in my children, even on days that I know they deserve a better mom, they are in fact a product of me.  And lets face it, they are amazing, so somewhere inside of me, I must be too... right?
Back to the crash course.  What goals, that I had so long ago when I had no limitations when the world was my oyster, are still salvageable in my current state?  At the risk of becoming accountable...
1. Utilize my creative tallents... vague?  No, not vague.  I have always had a desire to create something unique.  Those of you that know me, tell me often that I am capable of such a feat, and in all honesty I believe that I am.  So whether it be sketching or photography... I will find a creative outlet that suits me, and releases me in a way that I will feel accomplished.
2. Run Forest Run... I was not ever the sporty type, I always wanted to be, but never quite made it.  Through all the hard things I have endured (or rather smothered) in my life, I have always thought it sounded like such a great releif to just be able to run, take off running and not stop until the pain was gone, the clarity was back in my mind, the physical exhaustion was enough to provide a refreshing nights rest.  I have actually said this before, but now it is in writing.  I will run, be it a 5k or a marathon, this year.  While I am 35!!  Join me if you will.
3. Plan, commit, execute.  I am often day dreaming of the next vacation I will take (no they never happen) or the cute decor I will create (bare walls here) the savings I will compile (still in the red).  So I will stop doing that, you know that thing where I have all the greatest intentions, the same ones that pave that one road...  I have promised my kids things that they have given up on, I do not want to be that person.  I want to make things happen, choose my path rather than cope with my path.  We are not strangers to change, we are not incapable of deciding where we want to be and making that happen, for whatever reason we just seem to float along with the current rather than paddle.  Watch out fish... I have a paddle, and I'm going to figure out how to use it!!
4. Inspire others.  So often I find myself wishing I was her... or her... I read my friends blogs and I look at the things they are saying, the life lessons they are grasping, and I think... when did that boat leave, and why didn't I get on it?!?  It goes back to goal 3... too many years just living without being alive.  It will most likely just be myself, but inspire I shall!!
.... there they are, 4 manageable goals to start with.  I ask.. no I plead on my hands and knees that you hold me accountable.  Push me, inspire me, beat me into progressing in the right direction.  I want to become worthy of my fathers plan for me.  That is the inherent growth and knowledge that should result from mortality.  The ever daunting risk of failure will always be there in the shadows of doubt and self worth(lessness) but I hope to put them behind me by merely turning my face to the sun and soaking in its warmth.  A nice deep breath and viola, that reflection is getting a bit hazy.